Will I
sacrifice?
This is said to
be the 'everyday question of motherhood' by Christine Hoover in her
blog post by the same name on the Desiring God website.
So will I? Do
I?
Bringing up my
children requires so much more patience and perseverance than I ever
dreamed would have been necessary. I think before Doug and I had
children I looked upon motherhood in a rather naïve way. I thought
about all the books I wanted to read them at bedtime, about going for
walks in the autumn and collecting leaves, and about all the lovely
precious time we would spend cuddling. Little did I think of the
hours of endless crying that would make me want to cut my own ears
off, or of the incessant toddler questions and demands about food and
tv and “no sleep-time”, or of the multitude of nappies, plastic
dinosaurs, “choo-choo trains” and cheerios that would fill every
corner my house.
So now I'm not
so naïve, and I'm sitting writing this blog in a few precious
moments of quiet whilst the kids sleep, absolutely exhausted and
feeling like I've definitely lost the 'Mommy War' once and for all!
I've been
wrestling a lot lately with the concept of sacrifice as a mother. How
much is it right that I sacrifice and put my children's needs ahead
of my own? If I always put them first am I teaching them that they're
the centre of the universe and will they grow up spoiled and
narcissistic? Is it okay to sometimes give them second best for the
good of someone or something else? Is it okay to sometimes give them
second best for my own good? I'm genuinely asking. I don't know the
answer.
What I do know
is that this is the most important job I've ever had. Being a mum
requires thoughtful consideration and purposeful response. I mustn't
parent by accident. And that takes time and energy (oh so much
energy!). I have two little lives growing in my home. Their hearts
and minds have been entrusted by the Lord God Himself to my care.
What an incredible responsibility this is.
Every day as I
run this marathon of motherhood I stumble over the rocky patches, and
often I feel so tired and worn down I wonder if I can run any
further. I tell Doug that there is a great void between what I want
to be able to do and the reality of my capability. And then God
speaks. A Gentle Voice whispering from out of the chaos of my mind,
speaking truth tenderly:
“Now to Him
who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine,
according to His power that is at work within us, to Him be glory...”
“...let us
run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes
on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith...”
“ “My
grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in
weakness”... For when I am weak, then I am strong.”
So
perhaps I need to sacrifice my strength, my self-sufficiency and my
will, and continually give all the mess, the chaos and the shattered
illusions of a productive and orderly life over to God.
I want to look
groomed and beautiful, I want my home to be tidy and beautiful, I
want my kids to be beautifully behaved. But all I see is brokenness,
dirt and mess. So my challenge to myself is to give God the broken
things and let Him make something beautiful.
Lots of love, Rachael. x
Rachel, so beautifully written, and although we're only 7th months into the crazy adventure, I can certainly relate to many aspects of this. I too am very aware of giving too much, allowing M to think she is the be all and end all. But at the same time....she is! In our little here-on-earth-world...she is! I very much appreciate your thoughts on this and the comfort that we're not the only ones wrestling with this idea/question/concept. I am sure even from all the way over here that you are doing the most wonderful job, those kiddos are lucky to have such a caring, observent and God fearing mother.
ReplyDeleteLots of love
Maddy x
Hey Maddy,
DeleteLovely to hear from you. Thank you for your comments and thoughts. Isn't it so encouraging to know that there are sisters out there who are wrestling with the same things and that we can stand alongside each other and cheer each other on?! Your little M looks beautiful and I enjoy seeing your pics, hearing your stories and getting ideas for my next sewing project on your blog!
Have a lovely day.
Love from Rachael.x
Hello from America, Rachael! It's great to read your blog. Glad Anthony shared it with me. I read something just last night that totally changed my perspective and I'm mulling it over today. Did you know that God not only specialises in 11th hour rescues (Issac & Abraham) but that he waits even longer than that (Lazarus, Jesus) until things are literally impossible? I'm glad I read that last night because this morning I woke up to NO WATER. Waiting to see what God does! My email is jordannicole20@hotmail.com is you ever want to chat further. Praying for you today as you run the race!
ReplyDeleteHello Rachel from Mumbai, India. So good to know you through your profile on the blogger. I am glad to stop by your blog "Twenty9:11" and the post on it of dated 16th September 12. "Beauty for Chaos".Thank you for your sharing and the comment of JJordan on your post is so encouraging. I thank you both . Well I am in the Pastoral ministry for last 33 yrs in the great city of Mumbai, India a city with great contrast where richest of rich and the poorest of poor live. We reach out to the poorest of poor with the love of Christ ot bring healing to the broken hearted. We also encourage young people as well as adults from the West to come to Mumbai to work with us on a short term missions trip to serve the oppressed and bring hope, joy,future and purpose to their lives through the love of Christ. My email id is : dhwankhede(at)gmail(dot)com and my name is Diwakar Wankhede
ReplyDeleteHello Rachel from Mumbai, India. So good to know you through your profile on the blogger. I am glad to stop by your blog "Twenty9:11" and the post on it of dated 16th September 12. "Beauty for Chaos".Thank you for your sharing and the comment of JJordan on your post is so encouraging. I thank you both . Well I am in the Pastoral ministry for last 33 yrs in the great city of Mumbai, India a city with great contrast where richest of rich and the poorest of poor live. We reach out to the poorest of poor with the love of Christ ot bring healing to the broken hearted. We also encourage young people as well as adults from the West to come to Mumbai to work with us on a short term missions trip to serve the oppressed and bring hope, joy,future and purpose to their lives through the love of Christ. My email id is : dhwankhede(at)gmail(dot)com and my name is Diwakar Wankhede
ReplyDelete