Are you Mum enough?

It's a long time since I've written a blog – sorry about that! Recently I've been reading some stuff about parenting that has been really quite thought provoking and I'd like to share some of it with you.

It started with a blog on the Desiring God website by Rachel Pieh Jones called 'Are You Mom Enough (Mommy Wars)'. I'd never heard the term 'Mommy Wars' (or 'Mummy Wars' as it would be in the UK) before, but it's certainly not an unfamiliar concept. Whether it be breastfeeding or bottle-feeding; smacking or no-right-to-discipline; 'career mum' or 'stay at home mum', being a parent means making choices and decisions every moment about how to bring up your kids, and there are usually strong and opposing views about the 'right way' to do it (often accompanied by stark warnings about how your kids will turn out if you don't do it that way!). So mother battles mother as we each defend our corner (are you for Gina or Miriam?) and we end up judging each other rather than supporting each other. And that's Mommy Wars. It's not surprising really. Parenting is personal. Every time you hear an opinion that suggests you're bringing up your kids in the wrong way it feels like a kick in teeth for every sleepless night you've spent comforting an upset or unwell child. But being a mum is one of the most difficult jobs in the world. We need the support and encouragement of the people around us. The following statement in Rachel Pieh Jones' blog was such an encouragement to me – it has liberated me as a mum:

“...unless you are fit to run marathons, breastfeed into the preschool years, own a spotless and creatively decorated home, tend a flourishing garden, prepare three home-cooked meals per day, work a high-powered job, and give your husband expert, sensual massages before bed, you are not mom enough. From my perspective, however, the Mommy War is over. Done. Finished. Kaput. And I lost. I am not mom enough. Never was, never will be.

But I am on the frontlines of another war. The battles are raging and the casualties could be my children, my husband, or myself. This war isn’t about me being mom enough. This war is about God being “God enough.” ... Is God “God enough” to take my best, stained efforts at childrearing and craft something that brings him pleasure? Is God “God enough” to turn little hearts to him, and to hold them there? God is, always has been, and always will be, God enough. The battle is over whether or not I will believe it, whether or not I will delight in God’s enough-ness.”

Challenging yet so freeing, yeah? Let's be honest, we all struggle at times and we make mistakes. On the days when my kids' stubborn wilfulness has driven me to the absolute limits of my patience (and sanity!) “stained efforts at childrearing” is a polite way to put it! But the truth of what Pieh Jones is saying frees us as mums to try our absolute best, prayerfully make the hard decisions and leave the outcomes with God. We can finally leave behind the guilt we feel because we know we're not enough. We can stop beating ourselves up over our imperfections. And we can be kinder to each other, offering other mums support and encouragement rather than judgement as they offer up their equally stained efforts. Don't get me wrong, this is the state of mind I'm aiming for. Part of my imperfection is that I keep forgetting these truths and thinking once again that my success as a mum is dependant on my strength and ability. But I hope that writing this helps to plant these seeds of truth more firmly in my mind. And I hope it helps you too, if you're a mum, or if you know someone who's a mum. I'll leave you with this beautiful closing statement from Pieh Jones' blog:

“Trusting in God, because of Christ, I will rise from the graveyard of Mommy War victims, victorious and filled with resurrection power. Loving and living in his perfect enough-ness, I will live to parent for another day. Never mom enough, but filled with the One who is always enough.”

Amen, sister.

Lots of love, Rachael.x